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Fill In the Blanks

Client feedback to this part of the newsletter has varied from "I laughed so hard my belly hurt" to "That wasn't funny at all, in fact, it was quite disturbing" - with a little bit more of the latter than the former. However, while volatility may be once again agitating the wider financial markets, we are determined to make On a Lighter Note a sanctuary of stability. To this end, we recently obtained at great expense a top-of-the-line, do-it-yourself joke template. Thus like an old-fashioned Mad-Lib or "Choose Your Own Adventure" book, by just substituting your own words into the bold, bracketed categories in the paragraph below, you will be able to calibrate your chuckles to the appropriate, calm level:

[Your favorite Holy Roman Emperor] walks into a pub and sees [ a species of waterfowl] in an apron behind the bar wiping out a glass. The man stares at the bartender for a minute without saying a word. The bartender returns the stare and breaks the silence by [contemptuous adverb] asking, "What's the matter, Your Majesty? Can't believe that a [waterfowl] can tend bar?" "No", the man says, "I just don't understand why the [type of marsupial] sold the place."