Geese Are Pure Evil
It is a universally agreed upon fact of nature that geese are pure evil, but what about their feathered friends, the ducks? They always seem to be able to waddle away from scrutiny. Sure, in cartoon form, they appear to be perfectly acceptable, but what do we know about the actual birds? Well, clues about their corrupt character can be discovered in the everyday words we use that refer to these waterfowl.
For example, no one has ever ducked out of an event to do secret charity work; it is always to engage in some nefarious or shady scheme. And what do we call someone who tries to deceive us about their intentions or abilities? A quack. And what sound does a duck make?
The duck's distinction for duplicity even extends to foreign shores. Canard is the French word for duck. But it also is a word used to describe a false or misleading story. Why? Because of all the lies ducks tell. This pattern of villainy has always been right in front of us. Someone just had to be perceptive enough to connect the duck dots. I only feel safe releasing this truth bomb now because the devil birds have flown south for the winter.... Wait a minute, as I read past the first paragraph of their Wikipedia article, it says that not all ducks participate in seasonal migrations .... Oh, I think I just made a horrible, horrible mistake.