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New Trademark

Recently, news sources revealed that the Ohio State University had filed paperwork with the federal government to trademark the word “the”. Although this bombastic brainchild of the Buckeyes was widely ridiculed online, it is not without precedent. You see, long before there was the Ohio State University, there was the Protactical from Executive Wealth Management, and this writer made every attempt to protect the brand.  Unfortunately, due to a minor clerical error, instead of being given the exclusive rights to the most common word in the English language, I was granted control over the archaic second-person personal pronoun thee, which would still be a revenue-generating juggernaut - if this was medieval England. So the dream of applying a surtax on the syntax of every writer in the United States was dashed, but there were still ways to take advantage of the trademark - like monetizing internet memes featuring Hamlet as interpreted by Hollywood heartthrobs.