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Simple Arithmetic

"Man is the measure of all things", said the Greek philosopher Protagoras. However, when man wants to measure those things, he needs units, and those can be difficult to create for abstract concepts. Nevertheless, scientists have tried to quantify danger using a unit called a mort (from the Latin word for death). A 1 mort activity puts a person at a 50-50 chance of perishing. So while only a worrywart would try to thwart a micromort of risk, a megamort is the danger associated with trying to catch a bullet with your teeth or engaging in a tickle-fight with a Siberian tiger. The ability to sort by mort all human activity has had benefits in the actuarial sciences and loss prevention, so researchers are now trying to expand their concept calibration even further. It has been proposed that a fonzie be the unit of coolness needed to control a jukebox with just a slight tap.

Simple arithmetic shows that one megamort times one megafonzie equals television sitcom history.