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Stuffed-Animal Tea Party

A stuffed-animal tea party has been an important ritual for little girls for generations, but if the latest data from Great Britain is to be believed, this tradition is setting up our children for a lifetime of horrible pain and suffering. Because according to the National Health Service, last year 39 people in the UK were admitted into emergency rooms with tea-cozy related injuries. Right now you are probably thinking that if fluffy tea cozies were causing so much harm in the world then surely you would have heard about it already - but isn't it just like a tea cozy to be involved in a cover-up. In fact, this Cozy Calamity was responsible for more injuries in the United Kingdom last year than great white sharks, African lions, cobras, tigers, and grizzly bears combined. Still, it's shame for all this negative information to hit the tea party industry right now, especially after it seemed to be finally finding its footing after overcoming the bad press surrounding the Butter Biscuit Bother of '92 and 2008's Deadly Doily Day.
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