The Nit

Now is the time to ponder the imponderables. For example, what is the best baby animal? Puppies? Kittens? Or maybe Ducklings? Well, the argument below will irrefutably show that the only correct answer is the baby louse, otherwise known as a nit.

First, the nit is the only baby animal that has set such a high intellectual standard that it even draws human comparisons. Why this author has lost track of the number of times others have called him a "nitwit".

Second, let's face it, the people around us have a lot of faults, and they need to be corrected. However, it is only through the process of nitpicking that their flawed characters can be amended in a speedy fashion.

Finally, a few old-timers may remember that there once was a sport called basketball that was played by all the colleges throughout this land. And at the end of every season, the best teams were invited to the NCAA tournament to vie for the national championship. Only the nit took pity on this country's mediocre teams and created a pointless tournament so that second-rate schools could participate in a pretend postseason.

Now some may say we just made a lousy case, and that they favor baby animals that are cute and cuddlesome. But we should dismiss such shallow notions and get down to the nitty-gritty. Only one baby animal combines the qualities of intelligence, honesty, and charity; and the nit is it.

On the left, a poor child attempts to fend off a merciless attack from a menacing puppy; while on the right, a delightful little nit gives a nice warm hug to a hair follicle. 
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